Things Remembered

Kevin and Cade have so many things that they enjoy doing together as father and son stuff like wrestling, playing video games, watching cartoons, and watching football games. So in an effort to further my relationship with Cade, I’ve decided we need something that he and I do together that he will remember when he gets older and can really appreciate. I’ve determined we are going to pick a charity each month and in someway contribute to that charity whether it be volunteering or donating something that we have. I told Cade of my idea and explained what sort of things we would be doing. I told him I wanted him to go through his old toys and pick out the ones he no longer plays with anymore and we would take them to united way. I want him to experience how it feels to do a selfless act in the effort to make someone else feel better. I explained that when a mother and/or child are in an abusive situation and have to leave their home, they usually come to a shelter with only the clothes on their backs. I told him that his toys would be going to these kids who left their toys behind. He was so excited. I was proud of him and how mature he is at times. This Saturday we are actually going to work at a soup kitchen together. We are both thrilled to be spending time together and getting the comfort of helping others in return as well.

What is she saying?

Emma says things sometimes that are far from normal chit chat for a 2 year old. We constantly dote on how smart and talkative she seems to be. Counting to ten, singing along to twinkle twinkle little star, bossing everyone around saying “no brodder (brother) no mam that’s Emma’s ganget (blanket)” or my all time favorite “no mommy, that’s dadoo’s remote”. She is talking like crazy. She may not say everything correctly, but for the most part she gets things across to you. Until this past weekend, I was decorating our Christmas tree... yes I was decorating my Christmas tree in the middle of November. I’m an adult. I can put up my Christmas tree whenever I want. Besides who’s decision was it that there is such a thing as too early to put up your Christmas tree? Anyway, I was decorating my tree when Emma comes up to me and says “Mommy I kill you”……………….. Hmmm…surely I heard that wrong. “What honey?” “I kill you mommy.” Okay maybe I need some help with this one. “Kevin! Can you come here a minute?” “Okay tell Mommy again baby” “I kill you Mommy.” So I asked Kevin what he thought. As I’m sure any other wonderful husband would respond… “sounds like she’s going to kill you.” Before calling the exorcist, I pondered and pondered. I asked Emma to repeat over and over what she was saying. It couldn’t be what I was hearing. I don’t even know where she would hear something like that. Then the following day while home sick feeling like I had been hit by a Mack truck, she starts again “I kill you Mommy” while pointing to a Santa ornament on the Christmas tree. I picked her up went towards the tree and she started freaking out like she was scared. I said “does that Santa scare you?” She shook her head yes and said “Uh huh, I kill you” Ohhhh! Not I kill you… I scare you. I feel so much better. I called off the exorcist and cancelled the order of holy water. Deciphering toddler language is difficult at times.

We have pee pee in the potty!!!

So we bought a potty about 2 months ago. I wanted Emma to get familiar with it so that when she is actually ready to use it she will sort of get the idea. We have had it in our master bathroom where she takes her bath every night. Some how we got in the routine of sitting on our potty fully clothed while we brush our teeth. Not really the idea I was thinking of. So now she thinks that when she brushes her teeth she is supposed to sit on her potty. Hmmm.... not sure how all of that confusion came about. Anyway, I was telling my Mom last night that I need to bring her potty into the living room so she sees it at all times and will hopefully use it someday. A few hours later (after I forgot about my new transition of course), Emma comes up to me and says "pee pee". I am totally confused because she has never done this. I said "do you have to pee pee in the potty". She looks at me like I have three heads. Then... "pee pee...... potty". I rush to get the potty. I bring it to the living room, pull her pull-ups down, and sit her on the potty. I wait in silence. What? That sounds like pee pee going into the potty. There is no way it was that easy. "She is peeing in the potty!" I yell at Mom. This day seemed so far away. My baby is getting so big. It's funny how little things like using a potty become the high light of your day when you are a Mom. Sad, but worth it all.

A Swide!!!

Emma loves to be outside. Friday, when we got home, she wanted to go outside and play. Well, we have absolutely nothing to do outside. We have had our share of throwing the ball, blowing bubbles, and doing sidewalk chalk art. When Emma started collecting rocks, I knew it was time for a play set. Do you know how much those things are? It is crazy expensive. So I had a yard sale to raise money for a play set. Well it wasn't very successful. It was pretty windy and apparently all of our signs fell. After sitting in the hot sun and having to keep putting my signs back up, Kevin tells me he has enough money to get her a play set. So that night my neighbor Sara and I go and get two play sets. One for Emma and one for Cailee. It took us about two days to put it together. We had the fort put together the slide and swings were on the porch. Emma still didn't quite get what it was. She kept walking by the slide and wasn't interested at all. When Kevin and Bart carried the slide over to attach it to the fort, Emma and Cailee went ballistic. Emma came running "a swide, a swide". No matter how much Kevin and I argued and threatened each other, the whole time we put the thing up, it was all worth it to hear how excited she was to have a slide. So we have been swiding and fwinging every night since.

We live in a fallen world

I always thought I had a pretty good relationship with God. I have always believed if you are a decent person and don't commit heinous crimes, you will go to heaven. Now, after attending church and really studying the word of God, I don't believe that so much anymore. You aren't really worshiping God if you pray when things go wrong in your life or if you are generally a nice person. That's not worshiping God. Most people turn to God only when they hit rock bottom. Isn't he more that that? If you really think about it, how often do we take advantage of our God? Is he just a convenience? Do you really worship him? Do you truly have faith in him? I didn't. I still have a hard time trusting God in everything I do. Sometimes I feel it would be easier to be a believer if we could reach God like they used to in biblical times. There are times when I have felt the presence of God right beside me, but I'm sure there are numerous times I just couldn't see him. It's not that God isn't with us, we just choose not to see him. God wants to be close to us, but so many of us just get by. We don't realize when God is right there beside us. We have so many other things in this world tempting us that we can't see him begging for us to turn to him. Someone I know said if we could just get a peek at heaven maybe people would act differently toward God. But I think that heaven is just too much for us to bare. It is so wonderful that we couldn't handle knowing how wonderful it is. Some people think that the way we live is the life. We have it made living in America. So many freedoms we have. If we saw how great heaven was, I believe people would go crazy. People would realize how awful and sinful this world really is. I don't think our minds could grasp the concept. If we truly try to see God and give him all of our faith, we can see him. So many people think they can do things on their own. We can't. We need God to guide us in the right direction. We need him. Our children need him. I would say my kids turned me to God. I didn't have the best relationship with God. I didn't really know him at all. If I did, I would have turned to him a lot more. I wanted my kids to have the opportunity to know him. There were some things that I couldn't explain to them about God. So I took them to church expecting the church to teach them. I ended up finding God myself. Why did I expect the church to teach them their faith? I took it for granted like so many people do. We need to be close to God and have an intimate relationship with him. We understand more about him and his ways when we get to know him. We live in a fallen world not because of God, but because of our own sin. Because we choose to turn away from him.

What is your idol?

Kevin and I went to our small group at Trent and Marianna's last night. We meet every Sunday night and discuss more in depth what the sermon was about for that morning. Our series for the past few weeks is titled Prison Break. Randall has been discussing how to break free from our hurts, habits, and hang ups. Last night Trent started off asking about how we deal with our hurts in our lives. I was so confused by this because I don't really think I have any life altering hurts that I have had to overcome. I had a good childhood. I grew up and married a wonderful man who I know adores me and I love him with all my heart. We have two beautiful children. I was confused by my "hurts". Trent said that sometimes our hurts can help other people when we share them. God gives us stories to relate to people. So....... what does that say about my story? Absolutely nothing. Am I the only one who is lost here? I want to reach people more than anything. I am a nurturer. I want to care for people. So if I don't have a story, how am I supposed to relate. Everyone else in our group meeting seemed to know exactly what their hurt was. AHHHHHH!!! I want a hurt to share too. Sad I know, but I felt left out. Then Marianna said that she had been reading a book about the idols we put before God. In the book it asked "What is the one thing in life that you just couldn't imagine living without?" She said her family. I totally agreed. I realized I may not have a hurt, but I do have a hang up. I have an idol and it is my family. God is supposed to be my only idol, but because I feel like I have to protect my family and constantly worry about them, my family becomes my idol. I am supposed to give my worries to God and allow him to protect my family. There is nothing I can do to prevent bad things from happening to my family. God has total control and I have to trust in him.

Emma-the little mommy

Kevin and I had to work the infant room at church yesterday. Emma stayed in the room with us. I thought I would eventually have to take her to her class because she was very jealous the last time we attempted this brilliant idea. To our suprize, Emma was actually a tremendous help! She was very carful with the other babies. When Kailyn would cry she gave her own baby to Kailyn to play with. Yes! This is the baby Eore that Emma has to have everywhere she goes, that she would almost pick over food, but not quite. I was so proud of her. Emerson, another little boy we were watching, kept dropping a toy that he was playing with and she would pick it up and hand it to him, step back, bend down at his level, and smiled. She would bend down to their level like she was a grown up and they were so much smaller than her. It was the cutest thing. I was telling the daycare about it this morning and they said she is the same way there. When Mills is upset she will find his blanket and give it to him. When Emily is having a bad day she will sit with her and share her baby Eore. What a good little mommy. I love her so much. I hope she always has a big heart for others. It's days like these that make me very proud to be her Mom.

Emma spent the night with Papa and Nanny for the 1st time

Daddy had emailed me early last week about Emma spending the night Friday night. Eventhough it was too far for her to be away from me, I said yes. He needs his time with Emma too. Afterall, she is the prettiest little sweet pea in the world. So he got her and they went to eat at a seafood restraunt. I called and he said she was eating fries and chicken livers. Ewww! I know isn't that nasty. My child will eat anything apparently. Daddy and Kathy seemed to have a really good time with her. Emma had a good time too. She pretty much adapts wherever she is. She's not a very needy child. As long as she has food and her baby, there are no problems.

Emma gets her ears pierced

I thought I wouldn't get Emma's ears pierced until she was old enough to decide for herself, but the more I thought about it and the more I talked to other parents, piercing her ears at an early age seemed to be the best choice. Mom got my ears pierced when I was 6 months old and I don't remember a thing. Abby, on the other hand, waited until she was about 6 years old. That was a horrible day. She went in and got one ear pierced. Then I remember my mom bribing her for over an hour to go back and get the other one done. It was terrible. All little girls want their ears pierced, but I think the older they get the harder it is. Well I finally decided I'm going to look into it. I didn't like the thoughts of going to some place in the mall and having some teenager with purple hair and black fingernails pierceing my baby's ears. My neighbor told me about a nurse who does piercings at a cosmetic boutique. That sounded so much more appropriate. I called and talked to the manager. He said she has been doing piercings for the past 12 years and most customers are infants. So I did my homework. I didn't just take her anywhere. So I was ready. Wait... no I wasn't. I can't do this! I called Mom and told her she had to go with me. I just knew if I went alone, we would leave with only one ear pierced. So Mom went with me and she held Emma. I just couldn't do it. What? I didn't want to be the bad guy. After all, I'm the one who usually takes her to the dreadful doctor visits. She cried, but it really wasn't as bad as I had pictured it. Dadoo, on the other hand, wasn't too happy about it. But when he looked at her pretty little ears, he couldn't resist telling her how pretty she was.

Cade competes at mathfest!

Kevin, Cade, and I went to the International Convention Center in Atlanta this past Saturday for Cade to compete in the mathfest competition. After all day of waiting, Cade finally started at about 2:00. After answering several math problems, Cade was in the top 90 students still competing. Yey! Once they get to 90 kids left, they are moved to a private room where parents have to wait outside. It reminded Kevin and I of American Idol. We just waited for the door to open. After waiting about 15 minutes, they all come out holding there place number. Cade came in at 12th place. We were so proud of him. We were even more proud when we found out he placed 12th out of 812 top ranked students in Georgia. Wow! We were blown away. We are very proud parents. Cade is such an intelligent person. I don't think he knows just how smart he really is.

To be or not to be... that is the question.

So I have the most wonderful children in the world. There is my step-son Cade who is so sensitive and sweet and there is Emma who is just filled with such a fun loving spirit. I have always wanted kids. I would even say my biggest fear in life was that I would never be able to have children. But it turned out okay and I have two wonderful children in my life. I got pregnant once before Emma, but I miscarried early in the pregnancy. I still have a hard time when I think about it, but I am extremely blessed with the kids that I have and I thank God for them everyday. Now that Cade and Emma are getting older my security perimeter for them is even stronger. I think about how the world is. Sometimes I feel so guilty bringing Emma into a world like this. But that is what we are supposed to do right? "As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on earth and increase upon it". (Genesis 9:7) God said to multiply and be fruitful, but I have a hard time thinking about the struggles I have as an adult today and what struggles Cade and Emma are going to have in years to come. Sometimes I feel selfish for olny thinking of myself when Kevin and I decided to have a baby. What happens when I pass and they are here on this earth dealing with everyday struggles that are getting more difficult by the year? I guess all I can do is pray that God will protect them.

Captivating "Woman is the crown of creation - the most intricate, dazzling creature on earth."

So I've been reading this book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is more or less discovering what women are all about and what it means to live as a Christian woman. As a woman, I can really relate to the stories in this book. I have had a difficult time being a new Christian and all, just trying to figure out what is expected of me as a wife, mother, and a Christ follower. This book really dives into where women come from begining with the fall of Eve. Women tend to have a low self worth. We expect our knight in shining armour to come wisk us away to our fairy tale land. Why are we never told it never happens that way? It is so crazy for us to think that in a round about way that will ever happen, but we do. We see it in movies, read it in books, and told the fairy tales when we are little. Deep down we believe it. So when we grow up and realize things just didn't quite work out the way we had expected, we are lost. Feeling unwanted, unworthy, and alone. This book just kind of puts things in perspective. I really enjoyed it and thought other women reading my blog may too.

Heidi is here!!!

My friend Tiffany had her baby yesterday. Kris, Tiffany's husband, called me this morning and said that Heidi was born yesterday. I went to the hospital at lunch to see them. She is so beautiful. She weighs 8 pounds 12 ounces and has a head full of hair. I just wanted to stay and hold her, but I told Tiffany I had to get back to work. Yeah, I left with baby pains. I pretty much had a horrible pregancy with Emma, but for some reason that is easy to forget after you have a baby and you start thinking of having another one. I think being a mother is the most wonderful gift a woman could ever receive. I absolutely love being a mother. I can say that because Emma is a wonderful baby (or toddler now, but I still call her my baby). Which also worries me about having another baby. There is no way I will ever be lucky enough to have another easy baby. Speaking of having another baby, Kevin called me this morning and out of no where he said he has been aching to have another baby. What!!! I was so okay until he said that. I thought, it's okay if I constantly think of having another set of pitter pattering feet around the house, but when the over analyzing, over prepared, we don't have the money husband is having the same feelings it makes it very difficult for me to be the sane one and say "There is no way we could have another baby with what we are paying for child care". I said it! I was the one who put my wants aside and gave the logical conclusion. Good for me. I will give myself a pat on the back.