Visit with Natalie to see Garrett in 4d!

So made an appointment with Natalie to do another 4d ultrasound to see just how big Mister Garrett is now. The doctors keep telling me how big he is which is making me worry a bit. I really don't want to have a c-section but I know if he's too big, that will be the solution. I also don't want to deliver a 12 pound baby if at all possible. And it's not good for him to be too big in such a cramped space either.


Well we go and Natalie said everything looks fine. He is approximately 4 pounds and I am 30 weeks. I feel a lot better, but I still have about 2 more months to go. And can I just say he has the biggest cheeks ever! Emma had pretty chunky cheeks, but his look even bigger. Seeing his sweet face only makes me want him more though. My little baby boy has no idea how much he is already loved.

Cade gets a phone!

So Cade's birthday party is Saturday and Kevin and I have been talking about getting him a cell phone. Yes, he will only be 12 and it goes against everything we have ever said about cell phones and young kids having them. We always agreed to get the kids a phone when they start driving and not a moment sooner. But lately we have been pushing Cade to grow up a little more. And he has been borrowing his friends phones everytime he needs to call us. We thought if we want him to grow up, we need to stop treating him like a baby and let him grow up. So we went last night and got him a cell phone. Ofcourse, we couldn't wait to give it to him, so we surprised him last night. He was soooo excited. He was not expecting a phone at all. We were helping him put some family contacts in his phone and when he put me in his contact list, he put "mom". Made me feel so good. I'm so tired of playing the role, but not feeling like mom. Now that Melissa is completely out of the picture, I'm hoping my relationship with Cade will grow stronger. I know I deserve to be his mom way more than Melissa deserves it. I am proud to be his mom. Melissa has no idea what she's missing out on. Now if I can just figure out how to communicate with Cade better...


Ok, so I think I know how to communicate with him better. He has been texting me like crazy! He lets me know when he's going to bed, that he loves me, he's getting on the bus, that he loves me again, that he texted abby. So funny. Just glad he likes it. Now... how long will it be before he loses the phone or gets it taken away. Fingers crossed, he's going to do better than expected.

My baby girl is growing up

So today is the Pre-K meeting at Primrose. I am dreading it only because it's a sign that no matter what I do to prevent my baby girl from growing up, it's going to happen and she welcomes it. I was telling mom this morning that I would be a little late getting home because of the meeting and how I would probably sob uncontrolably through the whole thing to the point they ask me to leave. Then Emma says "Mom you have to let me go to Pre-K so I can grow up". Ah! why does she have to be the logical one. I drive myself insane worrying about her and making sure I never fail at being a parent and protecting her every second of every day and she pretty much tells me I'm being unreasonable.

Speaking of being a bit over protective... Emma's friend Logan has left Primrose and is going to a new school therefore isn't getting to see Emma. His mom, Christy, emailed me and asked if she could pick Emma up Saturday night and take her to church with Logan for fun night since they haven't gotten to spend anytime together lately with him leaving Primrose and all. And ofcourse I start sweating and getting sick thinking of all the things that could go wrong with this situation. I'm sure she would take good care of her, but I always think "we only get one chance to be a good parent, if I fail she will never trust me again". Plus being in the profession I am in doesn't help with my frame of mind when it comes to other people caring for my child. I see so many terrible things that happen to children because their parents didn't think anything would happen. They took all necessary precautions and still had things happen. I refuse to be caught off guard.

I never realized how being a mother would make me feel. I never knew how loving someone could also hurt and consume you so much. I would give anything for my children and will protect them at all cost. I have to find a happy medium between protecting them and shielding them from things that make them happy I know. I'm working on that part.